Friday, March 5, 2010

Sweet dreams turned to horror....

Belum sempat umumkan berita gembira terpaksa pula telan berita pahit yang akan sentiasa dikenang selamanya. Sebenarnya 3 bulan lalu adalah saat yang paling indah in my life...sungguhpun tidak faham dengan perubahan body system ini namum waktu itu adalah detik yang terindah...saat itu paling manis dan sangat berharga. Kami berdua sangat teruja,,,setiap hari Biy akan group hug-maksudnya saling berpelukan (Me, B and the baby in my womb)...Biy takkan lupa pesan pada baby to be good to me....what a wonderful life.

Genap 3 bulan i decided to do my first checkup @ Sime Darby Med Ctre. Niat untuk buka rekod. Pagi itu memang rasa nervous...tapi ku kira itu hanya debaran seorang bakal ibu. Terpaksa menunggu lama kerana i just walk in dan tak buat temujanji awal2.

Jumpa je gynea first thing she did was to scan my baby....bila nampak baby itu rasa sangat terharu, unbelievable and almost crying.(masa 7 minggu scan tak nampak baby lagi cuma yg nampak sac aje)...but dr kata tak nampak heat beat baby. I ws blurred,,,,dlm kepala baby dh ada heartbeat ker 3 bulan???...Dr cuba lagi....tapi still x nmpk...dia nmpk confident...and now tell me all the possibilities....i cant believe it apatah lagi to accept or to agree with the dr although i know she know better then me.....Dr perasan yang aku spt tak percaya kata2 nya dan decide to do blood test to confirm.

Balik rumah aja me and hubby terus research about ''delay miscarriage', Sukar nak terima apatah lagi nak tempuhinya.....that moment i no longer feel that i m pregnant because the hormone start to drop down. However both of us decide that we will hold the baby, we got faith that our baby gonna survive.

2 days later we turned back to the hosp and i have to do blood test again. An hour later we received the bad news that my baby cld not make it based on betahmg result... It was gone about a month ago.I know the baby loves the mother and the father too much and didnt want to leave the womb and dont want the mother to feel sad.It let me feel tink and feel tht i m preggy without giving me any sign or hint that u are going to leave me. Thank you my little angel!

The dr adviced us to do 'Suction and evacuation' soonest because the baby was gone almost a month and it can endanger me. Cant describe my feeling that moment. I feel that the baby trying very best to hold to me and didnt wants to leave me. So Y shld i let it go,,,i should wait for it to happen naturally. At the same time i still tink what can i do to wake up the baby! dr told us that u can no longer hoping for miracle to happen....It has gone and shld let it go for ur own good.

I take the advice reluctantly and with my family support-mum,dad Biy and sis i went for D n C on the next day. i would describe it as a horror chapter of my life-physically and mentally traumatic....Now i m on my 3rd day confinement without a baby and very sad to end up like this!


  1. hanging there babe. always believe Allah got another better plan for you. take care!

  2. thank you 4 conforting words dear....i just cant let it go!